You Got a Problem with Schnapps?
by linda-seton
Summary: A drunken Chloe escapes a sleepover at Lana Lang's and finds herself burdened with a watermelon and Lex Luthor
1. Just Say No to Schnapps

YOU GOT SOMETHING AGAINST SCHNAPPS?  
  
by  
  
Linda Seton  
  
This is in answer to the "The Smallville Crayola Challenge." It also can be used as a workplace/school game where you have to find all 120 colors.   
  
PG-13 for underage consumption of schnapps  
  
  
  
  
"So, who do you think is the sexiest guy in all of Smallville?"  
  
Chloe struggles to remember the name of the girl in the dandelion-patterned pajamas asking the question. It has to be Allie, Chloe reasons because the other redhead is Yvonne. Amber, Amber, Cerise, Yvonne, Allie. It has to be Allie. Or maybe an Amber?  
  
The other four girls offer up names of classmates and Chloe watches them each in turn trying to remember their names. A swirl of cotton candy pinks and sky blues, this evening is quickly becoming some weird anthropological experiment for Chloe. She knows this is definitely her first and last sleepover.  
  
Their hostess Lana avoids answering the sexy question, "Oh, I don't know."  
  
Yvonne smiles in cat-ate-canary-style. "Lex Luthor."  
  
A collective giggle rises from the room and Chloe has to ask. "So, why does he win the title?"  
  
Lana bites her lip as five heads swivel around to face Chloe.  
  
"I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just curious. The tabloids in Metropolis do call him "Sexy Lexy"...  
  
Chloe's ramblings are cut off by a fresh onslaught of giggles. She sighs. She had been a good sport up until now. She had actually allowed one of the Ambers to paint her nails a combination of Atomic Tangerine and Vivid Tangerine to "get the best tangerine". Chloe had never known that having spot-on tangerine was a real issue but Amber had been so conscientious that had she almost felt like tipping her.  
"Sexy Lexy. That's great." Cerise squeaks.  
  
"So, why?" Chloe presses.  
  
Lana in her robin egg blue shorty pajamas tries to be the peacemaker. "You know Chloe. The investigative reporter has to have an answer."  
  
"He's really rich." Yvonne explains.  
  
"He can buy you stuff," the other Amber continues the thought.  
  
"And a great dresser. All those black trench coats and vivid violet shirts." Cerise offers.  
  
"He doesn't have any hair so you never have to worry about him losing it." This from the nail-painting Amber who leans back from Allie's hand.  
  
"He is bald but he has great cars." Rolling over on her back, Allie blows on her newly purple-pizzazzed nails.  
  
"Come on, you have to admit that he's sexy." Yvonne smiles at Lana.  
  
"Oh, he's very nice."   
  
All eyes turn to Chloe. "Well, there's the whole right or wrong thing which..." Everyone just seems confused so Chloe counters. "What about Lionel Luthor? He's really, really rich and he has a full head of brown hair."  
  
"Eww, he's old. And his hair is kinda gray." Amber wrinkles her nose.  
  
"Just five minutes ago you were talking about Sean Connery being sexy and he's a lot older than Lionel Luthor." Chloe feels a vein throbbing beside her eye. 'Death by sleepover' is the stray thought that meanders through her brain.  
  
"You think Lionel Luthor is sexy?" Nail-painting Amber asks with just a note of betrayal in her voice.  
  
"No, I'm just trying to figure out criteria."  
  
"No fathers are sexy." Yvonne clarifies as she re-applies her wild strawberry lip gloss.  
  
Chloe digs another almond out of the snack bowl in front of her. "How about Clark Kent's father?"   
  
"Yum." Cerise smiles.  
  
"Gold hair, tan skin and lots of muscle." Amber sighs. "I can close my eyes and see him in the hayloft with a straw dangling from the corner of his mouth."  
  
The girls resume giggling as Chloe fights down a sigh. These girls don't want to have sex they want to have a well-lit TV commercial. Chloe suddenly wishes that she was in the middle of a commercial -- the one where the kid who can't go to sleep at a slumber party is taken home by his dad.  
  
Chloe resumes foraging for almonds and peanuts.  
  
"Those are really fattening," Nail-painting Amber whispers to Chloe as she almost scoldingly shakes a bottle of Razzle Dazzle Rose in her direction.  
  
Chloe puts the closest thing to real food she's likely to have this evening back in the bowl. She had been under the impression that food was involved in a sleepover. A big cheese pizza, maybe? There had been some cut up vegetables, raisins, dried apricots and one lone granny smith apple that Chloe had eaten all on her own. Now there was this stray bowl of unsalted, butterfree popcorn with about a dozen nuts in it.   
  
Her stomach growls and everyone in the room turns to her. "Sorry."  
  
Lana's forehead wrinkles. "Are you hungry, Chloe?"  
  
"I'm fine. Just all the laughing. You should hear my stomach during ANNIE HALL."  
  
Whatever muddled pop music that had been playing comes to a stop and Chloe shifts a little under the silent scrutiny of the girls. "What are we listening to next?" She asks hopefully.  
  
"My turn to pick." Allie crawls over to the CD player and shuffles through some discs. "This is fun."  
  
"Mellow Yellow" begins to play and Chloe actually smiles. Based on everything else that had assaulted her ears that evening the song is wonderful.  
  
Just as Chloe starts to relax, Yvonne shouts, "Closet raid!"  
  
All the girls, except Chloe and Lana, beeline for the closet.   
  
"What?"  
  
"Sleepover tradition. They get to rummage through your closet and try on your clothes."  
  
Chloe cautiously trails Lana over to the closet where the other girls are burrowing. A carnation pink sweater set becomes the oohing center of attention.  
  
Chloe hangs back and studies the clothes. Lana Lang's closet looks like a really muted rainbow going from peach to periwinkle. There's not a single blue or red or yellow. Everything is a pastel. She wonders what it says about a person when they don't own a single primary color?   
  
Something catches Chloe's attention in the closet and she lifts out a sort of brick red sweater.  
  
Lana laughs, "That's Nell's. It must have gotten mixed in when I did laundry." She takes the item from Chloe and hangs it on the door.   
  
Chloe looks down at her slippers. Bright colors are exiled in the world of Lana Lang. It's a wonder that Chloe in her royal purple man-style pajamas hadn't been sent home by now. Having never been to a sleepover, Chloe had bought pajamas from a vintage clothing place in Metropolis. She had been trying for an old-movie-Kate-Hepburn-look but now mostly just looks out of place. All the girls loiter in stretchy knits with a pink flamingo here and a fuzzy wuzzy brown bear there.   
  
Chloe tries to shake the image of some paunchy mass-market clothing maker sitting alone in his office trying to dream up the most babified prints for women to wear. She dismisses the thought before a Britney Spears' tune ends up stuck in her head.  
  
"Look what I found." Cerise emerges from the closet with a tiny little cadet blue skirt set with jacket and beret. "Lana still has her Blue Bell uniform."  
  
The get-up is passed from girl to girl. Chloe marvels at all the badges and green clovers on the jacket.  
  
"Were you ever a Blue Bell, Chloe?" Lana asks.  
  
"For about a week. I never even got the hat or a shamrock."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"I asked too many questions. After all, what's so magical about a Magic Mint cookie."   
  
"Lana!" One of the horde calls and Lana races over to her.   
  
The word mint has triggered a stray thought in Chloe's brain. She unpockets a new roll of Blizzard Blue mints which are so strong they always kill her tastebuds and her appetite. She takes two as she eases over to the cluster of girls.  
  
Cerise shows off the newly unearthed Banana Mania boardgame. "I loved this game when I was little."  
  
The other girls chime in. Even Lana seems interested so Chloe leans closer. On the cover is a strange little yellow orange monkey scratching his head over all the random pieces of fruits and vegetables floating around him.  
  
"What do you have to do?" Chloe asks.  
  
"You have to navigate your monkey through the tropical rain forest until you find the banana cave." Cerise smiles as she takes the game.  
  
"Cave?" Chloe questions.  
  
"You roll dice and you move your monkey and then you have to answer general knowledge questions." Allie nods.  
  
"Like what you have to do to get bananas to grow in caves?"  
  
"No. Stuff like 'Who was the first President of the United States?" Amber explains. "If you answer it correctly then you get a piece of fruit or a vegetable."  
  
"Like an eggplant or a plum or something. But your monkey can't eat them so you have to trade with other animals like Mr. Beaver." The less sane Amber laughs as she flips over the jungle green box to read the back..  
  
"But a monkey is a herbivore. Of course he can eat eggplants or plums. And why is there a beaver and a monkey in the same eco-system?" Chloe once again asks.  
  
The girls all just look at her.  
  
"Okay, trading with other animals. Then what?"  
  
"Well, you just play until you answer enough questions and earn enough points to get to the cave." Yvonne shrugs.  
  
"And my favorite thing, sometimes you win magic fruit like the laser lemon or the electric lime and then you can take other people's stuff from them." Allie completes the rules description.  
  
"You mean if you answer a hard question you get better food?"  
  
"No, it's not merit based, Chloe" Lana explains. "It's to help the less skilled have a shot."  
  
Chloe just groans. "We aren't going to play, are we?"  
  
Almost like someone on stage, Allie looks around as if searching for any possible intruder and then whispers to the other girls. "I brought a surprise." She retrieves her denim bag from near the door and comes up with a strange looking orange bottle. "My parents tossed this out."  
  
The "this" in question is an almost completely full, almost gallon-sized bottle of melon schnapps.  
  
"If Nell catches us we're dead." Lana murmurs.  
  
Chloe frowns. "Schnapps?"  
  
"You got something against schnapps?" Amber demands.  
  
Chloe shakes her head.  
  
"You're supposed to mix schnapps with stuff. You're not supposed to just drink it. Do you have any cranberry juice?" Allie asks.  
  
"No, but there's Kool-Aid in the refrigerator." Lana scurries from the room leaving Chloe to fend for herself.   
  
Nail-painting Amber closes in and studies one of Chloe's hands. "Maybe we could do a touch-up? Some Neon Carrot or maybe some Outrageous Orange." The girl grins and Chloe suddenly remembers that article she had read about fetishism and serial murder.   
  
Before Chloe can respond to the girl, Lana returns with cups and a pitcher of yellow green Kool-Aid.  
  
"What flavor is that? Cerise asks.  
  
"Whatever flavor "Screamin' Green" happens to be."  
  
Lana distributes cups and Allie begins to dispense the schnapps. Each offered cup gets about eight ounces of liquor and is topped off with a shot of Kool-Aid.  
  
All the girls hesitate and study the sort of sea green concoction in the cup. Then everyone looks to Chloe.  
  
"All right." She lifts the cup to her lips and takes a swallow. She lowers the cup and she smiles. "It's great."  
  
Encouraged, the other girls take healthy gulps of their drinks. Eye-watering, coughing, gagging sounds commence.  
  
"This is awful," Lana gasps.  
  
Feeling very commercial-like Chloe holds up her mints. "Kills your sense of taste."  
  
The girls attack as a group and take mints.   
  
After a few relieved moments of silence, Amber looks down into the cup. "I think I want some more."  
  
"Me too," the second Amber mutters.  
  
Lana and her chums daintily sip at their drinks.   
  
Chloe looks on and then takes a huge swig from her glass. "I'm not going to be the only one sober."  
  
Time seems to both expand and contract. Chloe suddenly finds herself laughing at something. She is not exactly sure what triggered the laugh attack and she grows very quiet. The other girls' voices fade out as Chloe removes her slipper and begins to pull at a thread that runs along the sole. Something brushes against her now bare foot and a startled Chloe looks down to find Amber with a couple of bottles of nail polish.  
  
"How about Magenta? Or maybe Hot Magenta? Or we could mix them." Amber fights with one of the bottle lids.  
  
Chloe shrugs and turns her attention to the other girls. Tears stream down Lana's face as she laughs uncontrollably.  
  
"You look mauvelous!" Yvonne half-shouts and the others laugh deliriously.  
  
Oh, yes, Chloe had been laughing at that too. Like an hour ago.  
  
Amber jostles her leg and Chloe shifts her attention back to the girl. The bottle of nail polish is open and Amber's face glows an unhealthy olive green.   
  
"Maybe you shouldn't mix Isopropyl Alcohol with schnapps." Chloe's voice sounds strange to her own ears. Strange but still pretty smart.  
  
Then suddenly Cerise is viciously tickling her and chanting "tickle me pink, p - i - n - k." The other girls are similarly occupied.  
  
Chloe rolls to her feet. "I have to go to the bathroom."   
  
She fights for balance as she veers toward the bathroom. She struggles with the antique brass knob before managing to get the door open.  
  
The light comes on automatically and Chloe hiccups in surprise as she closes the door. She finds the Caribbean green walls oddly peaceful and leans back. After a moment of rest she moves to the mirror and studies the green yellow Kool-Aid moustache on her face. She turns on the tap and twice fumbles the large cake of Mountain Meadow soap before finally getting some lather. Sobering a little she manages to scrub the stain away.   
  
High pitched giggling filters through the door and Chloe struggles over to the tiny bathroom window. Pushing it open, she leans out and is rewarded with a glimpse of indigo sky and a breath of cool air.   
  
The girls are more frightening drunk than sober and all Chloe really wants is to be at home. She studies the gentle slope of the roof leading to a bordering tree. If she were sober, escape would be no problem.  
  
"Pillow fight!" Allie shouts and Chloe makes her decision. She opens the vanity drawer and finds a tube of lipstick. She tries to write on the bathroom mirror but the Sunglow shade proves to be too light. She digs deeper in the drawer and comes up with Lana's secret stash. "Lana's really a Radical Red girl." Chloe smiles as she scrawls "Bloody Mary" on the mirror.  
  
After admiring her work for a moment, Chloe scrambles up onto the toilet and out the window.  
  
tbc 


	2. Watermelons and Billionaires

YOU GOT SOMETHING AGAINST SCHNAPPS?  
  
by  
  
Linda Seton  
  
  
Moving carefully and quietly along the roof, Chloe edges toward the tree. Staring out across the rolling farm country, she absently waves in the direction of the Kent farm. For all she knows Clark might be at his telescope and she does not want to be rude.  
  
The tree presents itself much more quickly than she had expected. She struggles to focus and looks up. Above her is a sweep of midnight blue sky and white stars. "Outer Space," Chloe correctly identifies and then she looks to the ground below. "And a long way down."  
  
Taking a breath, she reaches out and wraps both arms around the tree trunk. She immediately begins to slide but the branches of the tree slow her descent.   
  
She lands with a soft thud in a mulberry bush at the corner of the house. Unfazed from her drop, Chloe pulls free one of the bush's tiny lavender berries and makes a face once it hits her tongue. "Nothing at the Lang house is good." She claws her way to her feet and wobbles across the yard. She looks at her red orange stained hands and lifts them to her nose. "Yum, pine green. I need to get one of those things for my car."  
  
Chloe saunters toward an adjacent field.  
  
Almost fifteen minutes later, Chloe reaches the road that she knows will take her to her front door. "Just stay the course. And hopefully no glowing green rocks will create a mutant to eat you. Umm, hungry." Her stomach growls and she scans her surroundings for anything edible. A few stray cornflowers catch her eye. She thinks they are salad flowers but can't find the information in her addled brain that makes them safe to consume. Teetering, she pulls blossoms free and nestles them in her hair. She resumes her trek home.  
  
There's the soft hum of some sort of motor fast approaching and Chloe glances up for the flying saucer. Instead, a car rounds a corner and Chloe steps back to watch the silver Aston Martin roll past. Her eyes accustomed to the dark, Chloe immediately recognizes Lex Luthor as the driver. He sees her and his face registers surprise.  
  
"Ha, sexy Lexy!" Chloe mutters as the car disappears around the bend. Not really in the mood to talk to Lex and half afraid he might come back, Chloe veers off the main roadway and onto a narrow side path. She walks with arms pumping for about thirty seconds.  
  
Suddenly very tired, she plops down and flops back in the soft fronds of the ferns that edge the roadway. Yawning, she stretches back and her hand connects with something solid. She spins up to her feet and tries to brace for the worst. Half-hidden in shadow, a wild watermelon challenges the tipsy girl.  
  
"Oh." Chloe says logically enough. She bends down and pulls the melon free of the vine. About the size of a small bowling ball the watermelon is encased in a blue green rind that refuses to be punctured by Chloe's desperate fingers. "You're coming with me." Chloe weaves back out onto the lane with the melon under her arm. "And no monkey, or beaver or manatee is going to take you from me. I need to find a rock." She motions as if she were hurling the watermelon down at the ground.  
  
She toddles along in search of a rock but the unpaved roadway offers up nothing but sand. "It's like being in a desert. Sand, sand everywhere and not a rock to break. Or something."  
  
The world suddenly shifts under Chloe's feet and she drops the watermelon as her hand flies to her mouth. She tramples over the weeds bordering the roadway before coming to a stop and heaving up the schnapps in a cluster of goldenrod.  
  
Eyes filled with tears and her skin a shocking pink, Chloe finds the mints in her pocket and self-medicates. She retrieves her watermelon and resumes her journey.  
  
She weaves up a steep incline in the road and has an unobstructed view of the horizon line. Metropolis lies somewhere just beyond and the lights of the distant city streak the sky a sort of sunset orange. Chloe wishes she were in Metropolis. If she were drunk in her old home town she could flag down a cab and be driven home.  
  
A breeze begins to blow and a small tumbleweed rattles past. No, Chloe realizes she is very far from an actual city with amenities to get drunken girls dinner and transportation.  
  
"Amenities," Chloe says aloud. Her brain just used the word amenities. She realizes she is sobering up. She tries to remember the words to the National Anthem. "O beautiful for spacious skies,,/For amber waves of grain, /For purple mountain majesty…"  
  
Chloe stops singing. "America the Beautiful" is not the National Anthem. The "Star-Spangled Banner" is the National Anthem. Chloe remembers that the song was written by Francis Scott Key during the War of 1812 but the lyrics are lost in the muddle that is her brain.  
  
She picks up speed and comes to a crossroads. She tries to figure out what sober Chloe would do. One path is partially overgrown with brambles and twining wisteria while the other is relatively clear. She takes the more difficult path and wades through feathery leaves and cerulean flowers. She makes it about a hundred yards before the path ends. She tries to find her way back but gets further confused.  
  
She tries a sharp diagonal and bumbles out of the brush onto another roadway. "Yep, lost."  
  
Chloe realizes she has stopped walking and forces herself to move. Then there are car headlights again and she shields her eyes as Lex Luthor pulls up beside her.  
  
He leans out the window. "Chloe are you all right?"  
  
On the verge of tears she explains, "I've been schnapped and I can't find my way home."  
  
Completely unprepared for that response, Lex laughs. Chloe shrugs and resumes walking.  
  
"Get in the car, Chloe!" He calls after her.  
  
Still clutching the watermelon, she waves him off and stumbles along.  
  
He puts the car in park and pursues her. "Chloe come with me. I'll take you home."  
  
Chloe turns and hands him the watermelon. "Thanks." She rambles over to the passenger door and tries without success to get the car to let her in. Before she can manage to wander off, Lex rushes over and opens the door for her. Sighing she sits down with her feet hanging out of the car.  
  
He cautiously grabs her by both ankles and puts both feet on the floorboard of the car. He slams the door and realizes he still has possession of the watermelon. He starts to toss it and a scowling Chloe taps fiercely on the window.  
  
He tucks the melon under one arm as he pulls his car keys out of his pocket. He hurries to the driver's side before Chloe escapes.   
  
All in one move, Lex slides behind the wheel and hands off the watermelon.  
  
"Thanks." Chloe clutches the melon.  
  
"Are you all right? Did someone hurt you?"  
  
"Oh, I'm completely responsible for my own drunkenness. And my being lost. You're the first person I've seen in ages. How are you?"  
  
"Fine, thanks." Lex answers levelly. He has a feeling that coming to the rescue of drunken girl is probably going to cost him. Trying to avoid any real contact, he leans over and pulls the seatbelt across her. She seems mesmerized by the whole procedure. He clicks the buckle into place. "Where did you come from, Chloe?"  
  
"I just escaped from a sleepover at Lana Lang's. And I've been pushed to the brink. Pink and blue stuff everywhere. Nail polish and pillow fights and every other cliché you could possibly dream up."  
  
"Ouija board?"  
  
"No. I think that might be a little too progressive for that crowd. They have a tickling game, though. I personally think ten should be the cut off age for same-sex tickling. It just gets weird after that."   
  
"Sounds like exposé material, to me." Lex starts the car and squints out at unfamiliar surroundings.   
  
Chloe's stomach growls. "And they don't feed you." Her stomach growls again. "Lex, what did you have for dinner? I'm eating by proxy."  
  
"Poached salmon with asparagus."  
  
"How was it?"  
  
"Everything was doused in this Thai-style orchid butter with chestnuts which I didn't really care for. Dessert was a bittersweet chocolate torte. A little dry."  
  
"Oh, I'm regretting throwing away all those sides of cafeteria macaroni and cheese. Everything about the dish, including the noodles, is always a burnt orange color which up until now I thought was a sign of inedibility."  
  
"Did you throw up?"  
  
Confused, Chloe looks around the interior of the car.  
  
"No, I mean before."  
  
"Yes. But I had a mint." She checks her breath in her cupped hand.  
  
Lex laughs. "It's not that. Most drunks can't pronounce 'inedibility'."  
  
"Are we lost? Chloe asks as she presses her face against the window. She recognizes a barren spot in the smear of forest green and realizes they must be going in circles.  
  
"To retrieve you I had to drive down a series of tiny little roads. And the navigation system just told me to stop."  
  
"Pushy navigation system." Chloe swings around and squints at the teal blue display screen. "'Stop' with an exclamation point. That is aggressive."  
  
Lex brakes and steers off the road into a small clearing.  
  
The computer begins to flash: "Triangulating".  
  
"This might take a minute." Lex offers.  
  
"Uhm." Chloe unbuckles, opens the car door and is off with melon in hand.  
  
"Chloe!" Lex gives chase. "Where are you going?"  
  
"I don't know." Chloe sits down with a thud. "I'm just so tired. Climbing down the tree..." She trails off with a sigh.  
  
"You climbed down a tree?" Lex kneels beside her.  
  
"Just two stories of tree." Chloe holds up both hands which are sepia tinged in the moonlight.  
  
"To escape from a sleepover you risked breaking your neck."  
  
"Have you ever been to a girl's sleepover?"  
  
"A few."  
  
Chloe laughs. "You might have liked this one. You were voted sexiest Smallvillian."  
  
"Money, clothes, cars?"  
  
"If it's any comfort I suggested your father using the same criteria and you still won."  
  
"The fact that you nominated my father makes me more than a little uncomfortable."  
  
Chloe laughs. "With all that hair....does your father even have a neck?"  
  
"Sort of. But if you unknot his navy blue tie his head comes off." He draws her to her feet and begins to lead her back to the car. "You weren't afraid wandering around the backwoods of Smallville by yourself?"  
  
"I had a stray thought about a timberwolf but figured it had probably been hunted to extinction."  
  
"I don't know. There might be a few wolves left in Kansas." He purposefully says the words in the most arch manner possible.  
  
She makes eye contact with him and starts to laugh. He exhales a little. She is neither flirty nor touchy which is usually his least favorite type of drunken woman.  
  
"You looked surprised when you saw me." Chloe tries not to giggle.  
  
"I was half asleep behind the wheel and I honestly thought you were the ghost of Carole Lombard."  
  
"Carole Lombard was married to Clark Gable. 'Frankly, Scarlet I don't give a damn.'" Chloe concentrates, "Clark Gable...Clark Kent. Is that the extrap...extrap..."  
  
"Extrapolation? Purely unintentional on my part."  
  
"Good."  
  
Lex checks over his shoulder. They are closing in on the car. "So, what's the attraction, Chloe?"  
  
Her forehead wrinkles. "Clark? Clark is tall, dark, handsome and a much better person than I am."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I sometimes think I'm not very nice. A lot of people have told me I'm not very nice. I don't think anyone all the way from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific blue has ever told Clark he isn't nice. Even Spitney. Or the mutants."  
  
"Nice isn't 'better', Chloe."  
  
"You know what I mean. Clark will sacrifice everything to help someone. I think there are some things I'd never be willing to sacrifice."  
  
"I think that makes you human, Chloe."  
  
"And Clark's not." The words are more statement than question. She stops shuffling along and seems about to continue when she is suddenly attracted by the button at her eye level on Lex's shirt. "Is that red violet or violet red?" With pincher like fingers she takes hold of the button. Lex shifts back and throws Chloe off balance.  
  
She teeters and topples. The watermelon explodes between the ground and her ribs and knocks most of the air out of her lungs. Surprised, she looks up at Lex and manages to huff the single syllable, "Ow."  
  
He drops beside her. "Just breathe, Chloe."  
  
She gives him a "yeah, right" stare as she recovers. Finally she offers, "You've got that look. 'I hope she's not broken so I don't have to take her to the hospital'."  
  
"Are you broken?"  
  
"No. Someone should have told me when you drink your bones turn to rubber."  
  
He helps her to her feet and she shakes the watermelon remnants from her pjs. Somewhat covertly, she rescues one stray piece of melon and eats it. "I know, I'm a pig. Pink juice everywhere. You shouldn't let me back in the car."  
  
"My father has all the cars stocked with body bags. I could just put you in one of those."  
  
"Despite the attempt at black comedy I think you're probably a better human being than Clark." She resumes her pre-accident conversation.  
  
He laughs. "Now, I know you're drunk."  
  
"You mean me falling on a watermelon wasn't proof? No, really. You drove past me and you had to really consider coming back to get me. Clark would have just slammed on the brakes but you must have done some major thinking. Famous rich guy with schnappy teenager. Here's the right thing to do and the consequences. A flat tire, a speeding ticket, me choking to death on my own vomit. Even with the whole daughter-of-employee, friend-of-friend thing I might have left me."  
  
"I think you're worth rescuing on your own merits, Chloe."  
  
"Sweet. So far this evening you've told me I looked like a dead movie star and told me I had some personal worth." She grows very still and seems to be considering something very serious. "Lex?"  
  
He braces for flirtation.  
  
"Do you have any food?"  
  
More than a little relieved, Lex hurries back to the car and returns with a mahogany box.  
  
She takes the offered item and opens the lid. Within the box, a regiment of chocolate covered espresso beans, alternating from a burnt sienna to a raw sienna in color, are neatly lined into columns.   
  
"The paler of the two is soaked in an orange liquor so maybe you should avoid those."  
  
Chloe takes a few of the beans from the top and begins to chew. With each candy removed more of the velvet maroon lining of the box is exposed. "The Luthors cannot eat espresso beans out of a bag like the rest of the common folk?"  
  
"Only money bags from Fort Knox."  
  
"If I were very rich you know what I'd do?"  
  
"Buy the DAILY PLANET?"  
  
"Just very rich. Not wealthy. Not conglomeratey or empire building."   
  
"A bottom-feeder among the moneyed?"  
  
"Yes. If I were, I'd buy a Vespi scooter -- aquamarine. And I'd have someone to read to me while I was doing stuff that made it otherwise difficult to read."  
  
"Wouldn't it be easier to pay someone to do the difficult stuff while you read?"  
  
"I guess. But I don't think I'm going to ever make it through Proust unless someone reads it to me."  
  
"Mme Loiseau avait beau avoir à sa fenêtre des fuchsias, qui prenaient la mauvaise habitude de laisser leurs branches courir toujours partout tête baissée, et dont les fleurs n'avaient rien de plus pressé, quand elles étaient assez grandes, que d'aller rafraîchir leurs joues violettes et congestionnées contre la sombre façade de l'église, les fuchsias ne devenaient pas sacrés pour cela pour moi."  
  
Chloe smiles and applauds. "I understood about four words. French might be the way to go with Proust."  
  
"He's as tedious in French as he is in English."  
  
"I'm sorry, Lex."  
  
"For what? Proust being a bore?"  
  
"No. This must be really tedious for you. Babysitting someone hopped up on schnapps. And I got you lost."  
  
Before Lex can answer there is a persistent beeping from inside the car.  
  
"I think we are now found."  
  
He moves to take Chloe's arm but she shakes her head. "The chocolate and coffee beans seem to be working."  
  
Clutching the espresso box, she moves slowly and carefully to the passenger door of the car. She negotiates the handle and drops into the seat.  
  
Lex gets behind the wheel. The onboard navigation system offers a map of the field and the bordering roadway with a glowing tracking line.  
  
"That's amazing. I never fully appreciated the power of spy satellites until this second."  
  
Lex starts the car and drives in silence for a moment. "Do you mind music?"  
  
"It's not something Lana's friends would listen to is it?"  
  
"I hope not." Lex switches on the CD player and Pulp in acoustic mode begins, "Am I talking too fast or are you just playing dumb? If you want I can write it down. It should matter to you, cos aren't you the one, with your razzmatazz and the nights on the town?"  
  
Chloe hums along absently and then looks at her wrist. "When I started this evening I had a copper bracelet. I hope it's still at Lana's." Chloe slides a little lower in the seat. "I wanted the one with the stone, turquoise blue, but then I found out that it was paste. Who wants something that isn't real?"  
  
Lex considers the comment and turns to the girl. She is asleep.  
  
He exhales and drives down the dark roadway. As he approaches the neighborhood of the Sullivan house, he turns off the headlights and glides to a stop.  
  
"Chloe, you're home." Lex puts the car in park and realizes that his passenger has fallen into a very deep sleep. He shakes her shoulder but she does not stir. He sits quietly for a moment trying to figure out his next move. The Lex of old would have hauled her out of the car and left her in front of the house. But now...  
  
He gets out of the car, leaving his door open, and moves to the passenger side. He scans the house. All clean white paint and spring green trim, the house is a postcard of suburbia. He bets there is a welcome mat. And Lex thinks that the man with the worst reputation of anyone for probably well over a thousand miles in all directions is going to knock on the door at 3:00 AM and turn over a pajama-wearing, drunken, sticky teenage girl. He cannot decide which of those things 'pajama-wearing', 'drunken', 'sticky' or 'teenage' is most likely to get his jaw broken. Probably, 'sticky'.  
  
He leans in and unbuckles the girl's seatbelt. Hopeful, he jostles Chloe but she sleeps on. With a sigh, he hoists her out and staggers back surprised by the weight. The petite girl who looks rather wispy on her feet weighs more than he expected. It could be the large brain...or maybe the attitude.  
  
He is half way up the drive when Chloe's eyes flutter open. She realizes where she is, there is a flash of blue violet and then suddenly she is on her feet in front of Lex. He has no idea how she managed the maneuver and is sure Jackie Chan would have been impressed.  
  
She looks at him with wide-eyes and whispers, "Are you crazy?"  
  
Lex realizes this is Rhetorical Chloe and makes no attempt to answer.  
  
"Get out of here before you get yourself arrested and me sent to an all girl's school." Chloe backs up the sidewalk toward the house. She whispers, "You should have just left me at the mailbox. Lex Luthor wins Purple Heart for roadside gallantry and stupidity."  
  
He stays long enough to watch her slip into the house.   
  
THE END 


End file.
